A Shabbas Table: Cozying Up for Christmas

May sound funny, but "blissful denial" is a phrase i've been using a lot lately. When folks ask about the surgury i may need for the wound, or the moving again when something is found, i've been saying, "oh i'm in blissful denial about that stuff for the holidays'. But now, i'm rethinking that and wanting it to last all year.

When we had our big storm before it woke up my fear of storm. The winds were even worse than i'd been told before, gusts had actually gotten up to over 125 miles an hour! The violence of it, the sound, the speed, is what did me in, it really goes up against some sort of grain. Now but the rain, minus the huge winds, is something altogether different. Rain, even a typical stormy rain, does something wonderful. Rain is another thing, like the holidays, that puts me in "blissful denial".

I remember a rainstorm we had a few weeks ago. Not a gale storm, just pouring rain. I was in the living room area at the table by the wraparound windows and a schoolbus passed by across the street. The contrast put such a sweet warmth in my stomach. School's out and i'm home...forever i hope. No more competing for grades or having to "present myself", that time is over. I felt such freedom i wanted to giggle and jump up and down like a kid does before birthday or Christmas, to curl up and cherish this precious feeling. And its been hitting me how similar this feeling is to this "blissful denial" of the future (or the past for that matter) stresses of life. The thing is, i'm realizing blissful denial may not be such a bad thing after all.

I dont know how to explain it. Becuase i sure dont mean pretending. When you really need to do something, it needs to be done. But so often its the stressing beforehand that does us in. When i have to have the surgury, i will, for example. But right now its not being given to me for to focus on "today". Today, instead i hear the rain on the roof and feel safe and cozy inside, and just want permisssion to be happy here while i write cards and wrap gifts and make soup.

Maybe the problem is we think we ourselves have to give ourselves that permission to be happy. We might be waiting forever there. Maybe the thing is simply obedience, knowing God gives us permission to be in "blissful denial" about the things that are not put in our path by Him this day, rather than worrying so much about what is tommarow's task. The analogy about the birds and lilies of the field in Matthew 6 comes to mind, where we are told to focus on the troubles of the day and let tomarrow take care of itself...a real act of trust. But its a founded trust. Becuase i think each day we do get prompted if we listen on what to concern ourselves with that day, that little voice in the back of the head insisting "tend to this now". I sure dont want to ignore that. But i long to be in "blissful denial" about what is not being put on my plate today, in blissful denial of all that is not where i am led by Him right now. I want my only concern to be in doing what He is leading me to do this day. Why do i feel like an excited and free little kid when i say that? But i do.

So a good night from this little midlife munchkin (its just how i feel tonight lol, maybe its time to hang a stocking )

Good Shabbas Everyone, and Blessed Sabbath : )
Blessed Solstice/ Midwinter too!

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