The Instinctive Table: Not Chasing The Bluebird Away

I wonder if anyone else here has experienced this? Been noticing today, that sometimes how i feel about something is soon not what i had instinctively first felt. It hit me tonight, i was on the phone with my finace and he's been having a reality check with his still healing arm. Well, he says, i think i'll be home sooner than we planned. I knew the reason had to be becuase his company likely wouldnt be at least letting him back on for lighter duties/less pay as hoped, that they might be letting him go period with the weak arm still healing. But my instinctive reaction was still pure relief, and excitement...he was coming home sooner! And like a cloud rolling in, that was quickly buried with deep fear about finances, us being short thousands of dollars now. It was the same sort of thing when he finally got the banged arm checked to begin with. My first reaction was relief, i had so much wanted him to have it looked at and at least now we knew it was being treated and he was safe, it was a relief, i was thankful. Then that instinctive reaction was soon buried with panik that now we cant save for our land as planned (spelled: the hope for security slipping away) and wont even have enough for various bills and such. I'm just noticing how quick it happens, how quick the worry comes in and scares away the bluebird.

And yet its scary somehow to focus on the initial reaction, the "bluebird". The voice that comes in afterwards chasing it away sounds so much more urgent, like i better pay attention since its very important, that its whats real. But i wonder... What makes the worry any more real than the joy?

Anyway, i think there often really is something to our first reactions to things, whatever they might be (i'm not saying they are always positive, i am just saying they might come from a deeper place). Something to recovering our first instincts. And i wonder, how this would look at the table too? I know there's a pattern i find in myself...i will naturally crave one thing to eat but then i make another thing becuase its either more afforable or more convenient. What if our first instinct, what if we followed it somehow? What if we didnt chase the bluebird away, whatever that bluebird had held?

(Image by
Claire Fejes)

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